the quiet professor

Master, bless.

My most precious ones,

I had not seen that the Ascendio programming schedule was up...

Goodness. I shall be rambling for you on saturday, july 14th at noon, in a room called Tuscan I.

The circulation has gone from my extremities ;-)

Well, getting back to another writing until bedtime session... I am now at work upon the eighth essay.

Your devoted
Logospilgrim, the quiet professor

Master, bless.

My most precious ones,

after a few days of stalling relaxing (my back is healing well) and nesting (straightening out the dungeons a bit, reorganizing a few shelves worth of books, adding more interfaith/peaceful touches to the walls) and gardening (the yard was turning into a spring jungle), I am finally finishing seventh essay.

Mercy. Once I get going, equanimity will re-establish itself.

Relax, relax, relax...

I have to say that seeing green leaves on the trees outside my window is most soothing.

A little music, a few deep breaths. I can do this. I believe I am more afraid of the outcome than the process... Who am I to be doing this? is the thought I hear. From Awareness comes the reply, Let go of all that.

Your devoted
Logospilgrim, the quiet professor

Master, bless.

My most precious ones,

I have been resting a lot these past couple of days, and going to bed early. I am happy to report that my back has not been hurting me; it is just a little sensitive. I have been applying the ointments assiduously, and I imagine that in a week, the healing will be well on the way.

A loved one had asked to see pictures of the malas I got when I went to see the Dalai Lama. So here they are... On top of the green monk's bag I also got that day and which I shall bring with me to Ascendio.





I have been using the larger one a lot; the smaller one with the rosewood beads is in the black bag I always carry wherever I go.

Today, I have been listening to an amazing CD. It is so peaceful and calming. I am giving it twelve stars out of ten.



Tomorrow, I would like to finish the seventh essay... Next week, eighth essay. The week after that, ninth and final essay. Then, a couple of days to read through the manuscript twice. Then I shall upload it to lulu, order a copy, approve it once I have taken a look at it (at which point it will be available on lulu). Then I shall ship copies to the Portofino. It should be available on amazon around Ascendio or not too longer after.

I shall definitely be resting in june. Read in the garden. I have piles of interesting books beckoning me... Books by Alan Watts, books about superstring theory, The Holographic Universe, I Am That by Nisargadatta Maharaj. And so on. I am currently reading a book that is one of the most excellent texts I have read so far this year, Stepping out of self-deception: the Buddha's liberating teaching of no-self by Rodney Smith. All I can say is, it flows.

I am going to rest tonight, too. I am about to lie down and watch a film. Speaking of films, I watched "Amongst White Clouds" the other day and found it of great benefit. It is immensely poetic and mystical. I quoted it in The Severus Snape Paradigm.

Goodness. Time to lie down a bit.

Your devoted
Logospilgrim, the quiet professor

Master, bless.

My most precious ones,

today I had my appointment with the dermatologist because of the seborrheic keratosis...

Goodness. I think I am tired now.

First, before anyone worries, I shall say again that these spots are completely benign. Some people are more prone to them than others due to heredity. Pretty much everyone gets them after the age of 40.

I probably started getting them in my mid to late thirties, but never really paid much attention to them -having no idea what they were, other than little spots or something- until I learned last year that when my grandfather died around the age of 90, his back was basically one giant mass of these things; if they are not seen to, they can get very large with time, and become crusty and itchy (when he finally decided to see someone, it was much too late). When I found out about this, I thought, is that what those spots on my back are? If I had known, I would have had seen a dermatologist sooner.

My appointment was with Dr. Charbonneau. He said that I had so many on my back that the best way to treat them would be with a laser. I told him that now that I knew I was prone to them, I planned on getting checked out once a year, and he said, "That would be the best thing... Then, it'll never get as bad again. We'll just have to take care of a few of them."

To my surprise, he told me that he could do my entire back in one treatment (I have some on my torso, but not nearly as many; he will remove them during our next appointment, in june). He said, "We can start, and you can tell us how you feel... Some people find it painful and apply a numbing ointment before their appointment."

I figured tattooing had to be worse, so I basically said, fire up the machine.

It was not too bad... The pain, I mean. It probably hurt more because they did so many, and it was so fast. The whole thing took about fifteen minutes of continuous "pshtt pshtt" (that is the sound the laser pulses made; it felt like getting sprayed with something cool that almost instantly turned hot).

They gave me creams I have to apply on my back for ten days. The dermatologist told me that the little wounds would all fall off on their own, but he will be making sure everything healed correctly.

After I came home and took off my shirt, I looked in the bathroom mirror, gasped and began laughing like crazy (my better half did not think it so amusing! I think he worried that something like that had to hurt, but it is not that bad).

I took a picture to document the experience. The spots are redder in actuality.

( Egad! )

It is supposed to start burning later, but I have excellent creams.

Whew. I definitely think I am a little tired now.

I am going to write a bit (or at least try), but mostly I am going to rest. And eat plenty.

Your devoted
Logospilgrim, the quiet professor

Master, bless.

My most precious ones,

I am halfway through the seventh essay.

The new electric furnace and water heater were installed on... *has to think for a moment* thursday, and everything went well, though I usually find such things somewhat stressful. Potion was hiding the entire time. Especially when they had to cut the empty oil tank in half to get it out of the basement and through the back door.

That evening, I wrapped myself in warm blankets around nine o'clock -I was too tired to think straight- drank a soothing medicinal tea, and got up at nine the next morning.

Friday morning I bought food; the refrigerator was getting rather bare.

Other than taking care of life's necessities, I sit at the computer and work on the book. These days, the music I listen to while I write is supremely mellow; I have downloaded albums like Ars Lucis and The Resonant Memory of Earth by Max Corbacho and The Stellar Sea by Telomere.

I hope to answer your kind comments tomorrow after the morning service...

If I am to sign copies of the book at Ascendio, I must finish it before the month is over. And so that is what I am going to do. Two and a half essays to go. I am almost done. I think the book will be all right, but I am not worried. I am not really thinking about specific results; I am just sharing my heart. When I skim through what I have written, the common thread appears to be Oneness. I write about paradox; circles; letting go; love; complementarity; non-duality; mystery. I mention the Holly King; I mention Shiva Nataraja and the ring of fire.

Writing this book has been healing many ways.

One of the persons I most recently quoted was Pema Chödrön: "You’re never going to get all the little loose ends tied up." What a blessed relief there is in those words. That is one of the things I find so inspiring about Professor Snape. Even the finished book will be, in a sense, unfinished; those who read it will add whatever they wish to it -their interaction with the text will be another ingredient to the brew. Possibly some will find it palatable, and possibly others not... This will depend on a number of factors. I share my heart, and the harmony I have experienced, and leave everyone free.

I myself am unfinished, forever unfinished. This notion is inexpressibly calming to me. I feel unfinished yet complete. Perhaps I feel complete because I am also contentedly unfinished.

Time for a little cereal and some shut eye.

Your devoted
Logospilgrim, the quiet professor

Master, bless.

My most precious ones,

I have begun the seventh essay... I am in the home stretch now. Two more left after this one. I am almost there. I shall not relent until the book is finished.

I shall be answering all of your comments to my latest entries soon... I am starting to feel strained; my better half has noticed that I am showing initial signs of burn out (such as, I yammer a lot and pace). But the work is going well. I was quickly skimming through the first six essays yesterday and the rambles did not look too bad to me (even though last night I did write something to the effect that Neville Longbottom assisted in Professor Snape's spiritual rebirth by cutting the umbilical cord/severing Nagini's head).

I saw a Savage Chickens cartoon yesterday that perfectly summed up my august vacation plans:



This afternoon, I had to get a haircut. The really long shag was starting to drive me crazy. Unlike Alan Rickman, I do not have a team of experts following me around with curlers and hairspray to mess it up re: Deathly Hallows. After I have just washed it, it looks very soft and fluffy, but it goes flat very fast because of the weight of my mass of fine hair. It is easier for me to achieve that messed up look when I opt for the shorter, Philosopher's Stone style Snape shag; then my hair does what it naturally seems to want to do.

My hairdresser is incredibly meticulous, I tell you, and layers and feathers my hair in a manner I can only describe as painstaking. She takes the Snape shag very seriously (let us see how often I can say the words "Snape shag" in this entry).



I always love those little flippy-dos at the back. When I let the Snape shag grow longer, it looks slicker, which is also nice, but messy is my favorite. It is that look the Potions Master sports on my arm.

Letting her wash and cut my hair relaxed me.

But now, I have had my Pepper Up potion, and I am set to write until bedtime asdfghjkl;

Thank you all from the bottom of my heart for your affection and support, which means a lot.

Your devoted
Logospilgrim, the quiet professor

Master, bless.

My most precious ones,

I am so glad that I went to the Dalai Lama's talk yesterday... It was wonderful.

Everything went very smoothly, even though it was all at the last minute. I got up, showered, went to pick up my ticket (I had looked the place up on Google maps the previous evening), drove back home, took my better half to work, arrived at the venue fifteen minutes before the doors opened; it went like clockwork.

A number of Tibetan people had tables where they displayed their beautiful wares. The event was due to start an hour later, so I got some malas, bags used by monks (one of which I shall bring with me to Ascendio; it is green and has the Mantra of Compassion embroidered on the front, quite soothing and lovely), scarves (one green, the other orange; the latter is what I like to call a Buddhist sympático scarf, and very NDP), and colorful prayer banners (one, green, is hanging on the door to my sanctuary; the other, blue, is on a wall in the living room). Then I went inside the main room and climbed the stairs to my seat. I would later find out that there were 7000 of us present.

First they showed us films about Tibet and the Canada Tibet Committee, and then the spokesperson for said committee mentioned that many were probably looking forward to seeing Richard Gere; the audience laughed, and laughed even more when the man's announcement caused a group of photographers and reporters to hasten towards their designated area near the stage.

Richard Gere spoke briefly and was most gracious, I thought. Then he yielded the stage to the Dalai Lama, first saying that the photographers would once again be allowed to take pictures in their designated area; "Things are orderly, because this is Canada," Gere said, and the audience laughed appreciatively.

Then the Dalai Lama appeared and he radiated peace and compassion. He was accompanied by his interpreter, whom he frequently consulted, but so quickly that His Holiness hardly missed a beat as he spoke. It was heart-warming to see and hear him say words I had already read in his books... Among other things, he talked about universal Oneness, compassion, about self-centeredness resulting in fear, about the vital importance of trust, respect for other views and difference, all topics very close to my heart.

He was made an Honorary Canadian citizen a few years ago, and he again expressed his gratitude for this, as well as for the Canadian government's pledge to receive 1000 displaced Tibetans in Canada. You could feel his core of inner strength and deep serenity.

It was all just... amazing. A most inspiring experience.

I was exhausted afterwards. I slowly inched my way through the crowd as we exited the hall, and that afternoon simply lay on the couch, half-awake. I was half-awake for the rest of the day, actually, but very glad.

I became a member of the Canada Tibet Committee this morning after I returned home from my quiet Anglican service, to show my support.

Today will be tranquil... I shall finish the sixth essay (only two pages left), and rest.

Your devoted
Logospilgrim, the quiet professor

Master, bless.

My most precious ones,

I just wrote this over on my Facebook page:

Well, I just did something crazy again... I had no idea until this afternoon that the Dalai Lama was in Ottawa today. And I had no idea until moments ago (flipping through a magazine I picked up by chance at the health food store this morning) that he is speaking tomorrow morning. I just got a ticket... So I shall have to get up at seven, shower, drive to a Ticketmaster outlet to get this ticket, come back home, drive my better half to work, then go to the venue... I am almost finished with the sixth essay... *manic bleary-eyed laughter* I shall have to go to bed soon now... My schedule overloaded these days, but... How could I not go? This is His Holiness the Dalai freakin' Lama we are talking about here.

I am getting all my things ready for tomorrow morning. I got a seat way up in what looks like an immense venue... Tomorrow will be orange scarf day.

In the afternoon, I shall continue working on the book.

My better half was very amused just now as I told him this whole story (I am in a sort of "Mozart" state -as I like to call it- of frantic/intense/drained/energized/inspired creation these days). When I ordered the ticket, I did not know exactly how I was supposed to obtain it; I figured, Whatever happens, I have to give it a shot... I just grabbed the ticket, the best one I saw that was left (so many tickets are gone already), then found out I had to pick it up in person at a Ticketmaster retail outlet. Fortunately, there is one not too far from where I live, that happens to be open early, and also happens to be open on saturdays... And of course, I shall not be thwarted by traffic, since tomorrow is saturday...

I am going to see the Dalai Lama tomorrow. Oh my gosh. I am almost done reading one of his books about compassion... I do not normally do these sorts of wild last minute things, but...

I have got to get to bed. Fortunately, I got some "Mental Calmness" tablets today by Natural Factors ("promotes deep relaxation and mental clarity"). Along with others that fight fatigue; I take those earlier in the day.

Your devoted
Logospilgrim, the quiet professor

Master, bless.

My most precious ones,

I am happy to report that there is a new electric panel in the basement now, and that it all went well, and only took around five hours... We are now ready for the new electric furnace, which should be installed next week.

While the work was being done, I read Taming the Tiger Within by Thich Nhat Hanh.

I was rather tired this afternoon, and just took a nap.

Last night, I had another one of those very active dreams: I quickly shrugged into and buttoned up my Snape coat, and then broke into a sprint; I had to get somewhere in a hurry. I encountered loved ones twice, in each case briefly embraced the person, and continued running. I was out of breath in the dream.

Needless to say, I do not need an analyst to figure that one out.

I shall be getting back in the writing saddle tomorrow. I thought that resting tonight would be wise. I had a nice cup of my favorite herbal tea, Bengal Spice, I am warm and cozy in the dungeons, and I am grateful to Love.

In other news (speaking of resting!), since HPEF will no longer run the large conventions so many of us have enjoyed after Ascendio, I am beginning to find Alohomora 2013 somewhat tempting, but it would depend on a number of things, such as who would be going, and so on. It would also be my first trip across the pond, and thus would be another massive stretch for me; a daunting prospect. I am merely toying ever so slightly with the notion at this point. I am also thinking that a good long rest in 2013 instead might be preferable... I shall reflect upon all of this carefully this fall. For now, though, I shall finish the book, and celebrate during Ascendio. There will be many medicinal beverages during the ball, oh ho.

Your devoted
Logospilgrim, the quiet professor

Master, bless.

My most precious ones,

after taking a break for a couple of days, I am getting back to essay number six...

I am feeling added incentive to make this as good a book as I can this morning, after hearing the news that Ascendio will be HPEF's final event.

This is sad, but I am looking forward to MISTI-Con in New Hampshire in 2013 (at the exact same location as Aeternitas 2011), and the real possibility of an event yet to be named taking place in Salem in 2014. And perhaps another Snapefest at some point?

Perhaps a new organization will rise out of HPEF's ashes; perhaps the future of HP conventions lies in smaller, cozier events like Aeternitas.

I have to confess that at the back of my mind, I cannot help thinking that an HP convention in Quebec city would be wonderful... At the Chateau Frontenac, "With its castle-like architecture and turrets," say. Old Quebec city is practically like Hogsmeade. Except that everything is in French. Beauxbâtons cosplayers would feel right at home, though ;-)

I am feeling more relaxed today, which is very good. I was indisposed these last few days, and feeling exhausted. As I told a loved one last night, every time I finish one of the essays in The Severus Snape Paradigm, I feel more vulnerable, even though the work is actually less arduous than when I was writing The flawed master (I was going through difficult times back then).

A lot of writing still awaits me in the coming weeks, but it is all good. After I finish the sixth essay, I shall have three left to write, and the book will be finished.

Ah, dear. My stress levels have just risen slightly. I got a call about the electric panel in the basement... It is being replaced tomorrow, because the oil furnace will be replaced next week (we are switching to an electric furnace and the voltage in the electric panel is not powerful enough or something), along with our aging water heater... They will start the electric panel work very early in the morning.

This is the sort of thing that makes me cringe and twitch. I knew the work would be done soon, but I did not know when exactly. Noise. Things being tinkered with. Disruption. Invasion.

*cringes and twitches*

Ah well, at least it will all be done soon... And the furnace/water heater work next week will take less time (and be less intrusive) than the electric panel affair tomorrow.

Please keep me in your hearts, most beloved -because of the book, mostly! I suspect I have been feeling slightly burnt out, but it is always hard for me to tell. The feelings of vulnerability I have been experiencing lately may be an indication.

However, the thought of being with loved ones at Ascendio soothes my heart. And afterwards, I shall recuperate in the garden for the rest of the summer.

Your devoted
Logospilgrim, the quiet professor