the quiet professor

Master, bless.

My most precious ones,

heavens, it is cold today. I had to do a few errands this morning, then I hurried back home.

I sent a press kit to a magazine, and acquired The Original Illustrated Sherlock Holmes at Chapters (after giving the staff a copy of The flawed master for them to -hopefully!- enjoy).

I still have a number of press kits to prepare... I shall be going to the post office again tomorrow.

For now, a hot beverage and rest. I have been feeling worn down lately, but I am in good spirits.

Your devoted
Logospilgrim, the quiet professor

Master, bless.

My most precious ones,

this morning, I am feeling as though I were riding a Hippogriff, soaring in the sky and gliding along the surface of crystal waters: a sometimes nerve-wracking experience, but emboldening as well.

The book cover of The flawed master, and the book description, are now on amazon.

I have gone from second-guessing myself to realizing that I must be determined. I trust in God and obey Him. He guides my steps; He has given me excellent advisers; He strengthens me.

Not everyone will understand or commend what I do, and that is fine (though not always an easy notion)... However, enough have been upheld that I must not let myself be thrown off course. Sometimes, it is necessary to be, in a manner of speaking, impenetrable: that is one of the requirements of constancy.

Nothing has happened, but I am becoming more aware that I must be ready, as it were. I must be prepared.

The Lord and the Ever Virgin have given me many signs of their assistance. They have sent me to bind-up the brokenhearted, and that is what I shall steadfastly do, in the odd way they desire.

My heart is ever at peace. No turmoil can unseat the King of Glory. He is All.

Your devoted
Logospilgrim, the quiet professor

Master, bless.

My most precious ones,

I have much to announce...

First, the winner of my giveaway for a copy of The flawed master is nehmet. Congratulations, my dearest one. If you would like to send me your address via private message, I shall then mail the book to you.

Second, this morning I sent my first press kits (ever)... One to the Ottawa Citizen, and the other to the National Post. I would be quite hesitant to say that anything will come of this, other than the possibility of two more people knowing the book exists! The kits will reach their recipients on monday.

God, have mercy on me.

Third, The flawed master is now available on amazon, weeks before I thought it would. The irony is that last night, I thought it might be better to wait until the book was listed on amazon before sending my press kits... Then I thought, Oh, I might as well send them now, I suppose... I am bewildered. It will take a couple more weeks before the cover and book information appear on the amazon page, but in the meantime I uploaded one of my own images.

If you read the book and find it of comfort, most beloved, and would like to write a few words about it on amazon, I would be exceedingly grateful... I shall, however, once again ask for your forgiveness, should my lack of wisdom grieve you somehow (as I have frequently told loved ones, I am only a sinner and inevitably bound to disappoint you). Whatever good comes from my scribblings, it will truly and entirely be due to God's compassion.

God, have mercy on me.

I am so humbled by the fact that the Lord, in His great love, has granted me to put the gifts He has given me at your disposal, my deeply cherished ones, that I cannot hear your kind words without bowing my head. I am overcome by gratitude and joy (and often, perplexity and alarm) because of such unmerited blessings. What is there for me to say except, I am your servus?

Unless I change my mind, my hair will be a lot longer when I go to Infinitus... Somewhat past shoulder length. The first layer is now at chin level, all one length. I like it because when I tip my head forward, I have no peripheral vision... I feel a little like I am half-hidden behind a curtain. This can be soothing.

I am going to rest a bit with my heating pad (I could not get my orthotherapy massage this morning -a sudden schedule conflict), and perhaps watch "The Half-Blood Prince" after praying for a while.

I am wrapping you in a tender robed embrace.

Your devoted
Logospilgrim, the quiet professor

Master, bless.

My most precious ones,

'tis quite the storm out there this morning... The dungeons are so cozy. I am contentedly ensconced. I shall put together at least two press kits today, so that I can mail them tomorrow or friday.

I am now on Google Wave. I have seven invitations, so do comment if you would like one, though I imagine it will take me a while to figure out exactly what Google Wave does. It seems it might be useful. At the moment, my preferred means of networking remain my blogs (especially livejournal and my website, which is a wordpress blog), twitter, my facebook page and goodreads.

I am doing not too badly for a reserved, reclusive professor, eh? Last saturday, I told Father John that my ministerial activities had apparently entered a new phase, one which was increasing my visibility and to which I was currently adjusting, and he approved of the direction my vocation is taking. This calmed my heart.

Yesterday, the furnace man came to do the seasonal maintenance (changing filters and checking wires and so on); he is very kind and I always enjoy chatting with him as he works. Before he left, I gave him my new business cards -I am starting to acquire the habit of doing this- and to my astonishment, he immediately asked me if he could purchase The flawed master for a friend of his, who likes Harry Potter! I was so surprised that I stammered as I tried to form a reply. I put the money he gave me into my "Ashes of Problem Students" jar, also known as the "Infinitus funds" jar.

Perhaps, in addition to business cards, I should have a copy of the book with me wherever I go? Heavens.

I am a writer now, it seems. I am not sure how this is possible, but there it is. I am waiting for another shipment of books so I can hopefully have a few copies at Collected Works; I even have a nice poster of the cover that they can put in the window, if they would like.

As I said, I am beginning to get the hang of this "promotion" business. Slowly. The flawed master should be available on amazon around Christmas. Very soon, I shall have to email the Infinitus organizers about their allowing me to read from the book, and I shall have to submit my paper (one of the essays in A Princely Calling, which I shall start writing in a few weeks)... I am a bit unnerved, I must confess. However, it is true that I feel stronger, more resourceful, more adaptable, more resilient, than when I embarked upon my vocation. It is easier for me to prioritize, although the demands on my time are greater. I realize that I have to be reasonable with myself, even if it pains me, such as when it became evident that I would not be able to do my usual Christmas mailings this year.

And, moments ago I interrupted my scribbling to have a delicious bowl of hot oatmeal.

I am learning, I think... Am I a good professor, my deeply cherished ones? I mean, am I serving you well?

Introvert that I am, flawed servant that I am, my best gifts to you will no doubt always be my writings and my unworthy prayers.

Your devoted
Logospilgrim, the quiet professor

Master, bless.

My most precious ones,

we are supposed to get our first snow storm this week... I do not mind. I am looking forward to that snowed in feeling, which I relish.

Fortunately, this turn of events will not interfere with my neck massage, which I am also immensely looking forward to. I rather need it.

Today, I sent copies of my books to Jane G. Meyer (re: Ancient Faith Radio review). This week, I shall be mailing my first press kits. I must confess that it is all taking some getting used to, the whole... emergence. I feel a bit lost, awkward. However, I am strengthened by the Lord. I depend on Him entirely.

Saturday, I went to the Holy Unction and was anointed by Archbishop Seraphim and Father James; soon after, it was time for Vespers, then a Vigil and thus another anointing. Upon entering the church, I saw, to my great joy, a copy of the icon of the Theotokos of Pochaiv; it was blessed upon the original. The sight of it, in its exquisite, bejeweled golden casing, soothed my heart. It is ours and will always be there for veneration, glory to God.

I am so grateful to the Lord for His goodness, His unending goodness to me. My only desire is to delight Him forever. I have no other purpose.

My work is increasing my visibility, but the depths of my heart... That sacred place will always be veiled by a curtain, His alone. The more I dedicate this inner sanctuary to Him, the more I can reach out lovingly. The closer I am to Him, the more aware I am of my imperfections, and so I must reach out lovingly, otherwise I sin against His merciful love. I wish to behold Him, and so I must see with His eyes, otherwise I am blind to Him and everything else, including myself.

I AM THAT I AM has taught me to be.

O, sweetness of the Lord! I never existed 'til I knew Him.

O Lord, illumine me and save me.

My dearest ones, I shall dedicate myself to you until my last breath. This afternoon, I picked up a passport renewal form... Ah, goodness.

Your devoted
Logospilgrim, the quiet professor

Master, bless.

My dearest ones,

Jane G. Meyer has just emailed me her address (see my previous post)... I shall be sending her Bring forth the best robes and The flawed master. She wrote that she would email me and let me know when she reviews the books on Ancient Faith Radio...

She also loves my website. She thinks it is beautiful. Which is very generous, considering how lovely hers is. But I am glad, because I worked on it so hard...

O, God! My little books will be discussed on Ancient Faith Radio! I really did not expect anything like this. The list of books that have been reviewed there includes material published by St. Vladimir's Seminary Press, Paraclete Press, Ignatius Press, Conciliar Press, HarperOne... And here I am, with my self-published ramblings. Perhaps my books will be too, um, too... I do not know, but not of sufficient quality...

I am forty, but I have never felt more like a novice than I do now. The Lord is so good; glory to Him forever.

Thank heaven I am getting my neck massaged next week. And, I shall see loved ones tomorrow, sheryll, wolfraven80, loudmeggaphone...

I think I am going to watch "Ed Wood" tonight. That film always warms my heart.

Your devoted
Logospilgrim, the quiet professor

Master, bless.

My most precious ones,

due to the affliction, I am somewhat medicated at the moment, but I needed to share something with you... I am... Well, bewildered.

As I mentioned on sunday, I now have an author account on Goodreads. I have joined a few groups (including an Orthodox one), and summoned up the courage to inform people of my work.

This morning, I received a very kind email from Jane G. Meyer, Orthodox author of children's books such as The Life of Saint Bridget, The Man and the Vine, The Woman and the Wheat... She does reviews ("Speaking of Books") on Ancient Faith Radio, and offered to review my books of Snape essays.

For a while I sat in front of my computer screen, blinking. Then I took another anti-inflammatory pill. Then I had soup and sat quietly, my brain attempting to process this amazing development.

I emailed her back, writing what I hope was a coherent message, and said that, if after reading the books she thought they had merit...

Can this be happening?

You know... Just before I watched The Butterfly Circus the other day, I had been feeling weary and thinking that my life had become a circus. Was this good, I wondered? God's reply was a categorical and gentle, "Yes." So I shall continue to try to be like the ringmaster... I shall continue to try and be a harbinger of hope.

The Lord is right. I was meant for the beautiful circus He has entrusted to my care. One of my favorite films has always been "The Circus" by Charlie Chaplin... When I was young, I wanted to run away and join a circus.

It was symbolic. It was prophetic.

I am grateful for your tender support. I cannot begin to tell you how overwhelming all of this is sometimes. And yet, it seems to be happening at the precise time when I am ready (more or less) for it. I daresay that I have been prepared.

Either that, or the medication is dulling my apprehension.

Ah, goodness... I shall read and rest a bit. God bless you all for your encouragement and affection. Please keep your servus in your prayers. I think that when I speak to Archbishop Seraphim on sunday, the odds that I shall weep are great. Like right now.

Your devoted
Logospilgrim, the quiet professor

Master, bless.

My dearest ones,

tonight was one of those nights when I felt that familiar inner anguish: I contemplate the tasks at hand, such as they are, and wonder, can I do it? Am I doing what I am meant to do? Am I doing what I truly should be doing? Is what I am doing useful, does it help others? Am I obeying God? Am I where He wishes me to be, am I who He wishes me to be? Is this what the Lord wants?

Prayer calmed my heart, and then I saw something that was... God's answer. Something amazing, glorious. The answer could not have been clearer.

The Butterfly Circus.

My determination is renewed, and my heart is at peace. Glory to God.

Friday, I shall hopefully be seeing loved ones; we shall get together at Coasters. That will be excellent.

Your devoted
Logospilgrim, the quiet professor

Master, bless.

My most precious ones,

more news: I now have a Goodreads author account. A loved one let me know that two of my books were listed there, so I signed on and applied for an author account, which they gave me today.

I think it can be fairly said that I am working very hard to be faithful to the role the Lord has assigned me, and to fulfill it well. I am trying to obey God's will and give more of myself, within the bounds of discernment.

Not too long ago, I was having a comforting chat with a dear friend, and told her I was starting to accept that part of my vocation involves being a sort of... of "personality" (however minor), as bemusing and unnerving as that notion is to me.

It is also utterly hilarious. God works in mysterious ways. But love is the essence of all things, whatever the means that foster its healing presence. My situation seems absurd to me; yet what does this matter? If by being a fool I can uphold and console, then my heart is filled with joy and I shall happily be a fool.

It is good to be sitting here in my new heather grey, organic cotton Coyuchi nightgown (my favorite nightgowns were beginning to look like something Oliver Twist might have worn and had to be replaced); I am about to pray, then have a hot beverage and a nap, thank heaven. Early this morning, snow flakes were falling for the first time this season, and the sight was so soothing, joyful and tranquil.

My eyes are closing. I think perhaps the nap first. I shall be indisposed at some point this week, and I am feeling it.

Your devoted
Logospilgrim, the quiet professor

Master, bless.

My most precious ones,

earlier I saw an image that amused me very much...

It was created by jamesohgoodie:



I could completely picture Dumbledore and Snape exchanging those very words.

Goodness. I have been feeling tired, but at least my digestion is back to normal.

I have tweaked my website a little more. I think all my efforts have yielded something good. Its simplicity is very soothing. Go take a look, if you will; I have added a new post. There will be more surprises on logospilgrim.com in the near future.

Next weekend, there will be a Hierarchical Liturgy... I shall be able to give a copy of The flawed master to Archbishop Seraphim. My heart will be racing a bit, no doubt.

God bless you, most beloved. I am going to lie down.

Your devoted
Logospilgrim, the quiet professor